Friends or Not?

I've been thinking about friendships and relationships a lot lately. All of my thinking has boiled down to this. All we really want is someone to care about us. 

My family comes tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited. Mostly because I know that no matter what happens, they'll care about me. How do I know this? Leave it to my brother to terrify a nurse in a hospital in New Jersey on a massive search for me in a bed somewhere in that hospital. I wish I I could say the same about my friends here. DC, with all of its perks, I have come to find is a very egotistical city. If you start paying attention, people only talk about themselves. You'll begin with a story, "So I was walking downtown today..." "REALLY? I walk downtown..." and you've lost a listener. 

My best friend from home Gabi brought this to my attention some time ago, and ever since then I can't forget it. 

This past weekend I had a party to celebrate our friends and the Cherry Blossom festivities. Out of a room of 20. I could only pick out 3 people who I considered friends. One actually asked if this party was going to get any better. If a friend invites you to a party and it blows, I say embrace it. Maybe it's just me, but am I living in everyone else's world? It's not our world, it's theirs. I wasn't once asked about how I was, but I was asked about a summer job or internship and where I was living next year. Is this what makes me a worthy friend? Gainful employment and a place to live? 

At times I felt like I was being judged at face value. Judged period!

Host, female, sarcastic, slightly bitchy, under 21, employed, internship, rent this much. 

Net worth? Not worth their time. 

Wow, she's drinking an awful lot. Can you believe she wore that? Did you hear what she just said?

I can right now, think of Gabi, who would carry me home if I was puking all over myself, compliment me on an interesting outfit choice, and laugh about it WITH me, not at me, and tell me I'm an idiot for saying stupid things... to my face. 

When the first friend I ever met at AU (fellow Jerz-ian) showed up to the party, I cried when I met him in the parking lot. I cried realizing that outside of my boyfriend, he was the only person who cared about me in there. I haven't seen him since we celebrated his birthday in December, but that didn't matter. We don't have to see each other every waking moment to maintain a friendship. When I'm upset, he knows, and asks me about it. Not about if I offered him anything, any benefits from our friendship. 

I recognized this on a microscopic level some time ago, and decided to kill them with kindness, all of them. No one can be mean to a girl who's nice all the time. Well guess what? NO ONE is nice all the time. You slip once and it's back to judgy town. 

I decided then and there to stop wasting MY time. Life is short, man. Why waste my time trying to be kind to people that don't share the same kindness back to me. 

I am thankful for my friends, genuine friends. I don't need millions, the four I have right now will suffice :). You know who you are.

Bottom line? We all just want someone to care about us. Poor, unemployed us.